Pursue what is true and honest

I've been thinking a lot lately about relationships. Times swing round when you begin to realise that certain relationships are either mutually fruitful or just plain toxic.

A few months ago, Ali was telling me of a story she read about a Swedish girl who was diagnosed with Uterine cancer. Her doctors told her she only had a short time to live and her only option was extreme courses of chemo and radiation therapy. Even that wouldn't cure her, but rather just make her live that little bit longer. She looked her doctor in the eye and said: "Do you know the cause of my cancer?" and when  he answered that he couldn't detect the exact root of her illness, that it could be any number of things, she said, "Well I can. It's two things! Toxic food and toxic relationships." She divorced her sap of a husband and removed herself from fruitless friendships and flushed all the toxins out of her body with juicing detoxes. Within a year, her uterus was cancer free and she was pregnant with her first child.

Over the past year or so, I have been focusing a lot on removing toxic food from my diet. I have been trying to identify the reasons why sometimes I feel so terrible about myself and why this affects the things I put in my body. During this process however, I have realised that this is runs parallel to my relationships with people. Why do I let some people treat me so terribly and who benefits from these relationships? While we try to feed our bodies with all things good and healthy, we should also try to feed our souls with friendships of the same caliber. 

Movies and romantic novels fool us. They tell us that love is supposed to be tumultuous and dramatic. They tell us that it isn't real if we aren't feeling fleeting moments of bliss alongside bouts of heartbreak. They tell us that we need to either be confessing that we cannot live another second without this other person in our lives, or that they drive us so insane that we can't stand the sight of them. They also instill the idea that love is fleeting and that we need to grab hold of it with both hands and MAKE. IT. STAY. Why should we beg those we love to remain in our lives? Surely that's not love?

The first line of 'Renegade' by Kings of Convenience spells it out: "I'm letting go, to see if you hold on to me." I think we've all done this at some point. We've just had enough of trying so hard to keep someone in our lives and we begin to test them to see if they really care. It's a hard place to be in, but it's also the point where you realise, "I'm worth more than this! I'm worth being cared about and having an effort made for me just as I care and make an effort for others." It's powerful...that moment where you really and truly believe it. It's powerful because it's the moment you look yourself square in the face and say "I am enough." And only great things can happen from being in that space.

So, this is the challenge, pursue what is real, steadfast and true. I find that in my Heavenly Father and in my family. The challenge is also to keep loving and investing in people's lives. Don't let your heart grow hard and cold. Don't isolate yourself from the world for fear of hurt or rejection. But rather, realise that you are enough and you are loved by those who truly matter, and whatever happens as a result of trusting in someone new - like water off a duck's back, move on and keep being loved and pursued by those who matter.