Recalibrate

I recently read a book by the name of 'Wild at Heart' and this line has been haunting me ever since:

"I want to hurl myself into a creative work worthy of God."

Beautiful right? But maybe you're wondering why it's "haunting" me. The word haunting usually has negative connotations, I get that. But that sentence gripped me in a way that was both deeply encouraging and deeply scary. I have been feeling these jitters over the past few years and have had many encouraging words spoken over me by wonderful men and women of God. Powerful words like: "Warrior" and "dynamite", and phrases like: "What you are doing right now is simply a test for something much bigger and much greater." And I feel it too. I don't believe these jitters are just my own pride telling me I'm super awesome or something. In fact, I feel so aware of my inability and my weakness. Yet, I feel a hunger and a thirst for adventure and spiritual warfare that I can't quite explain. I've started grasping onto lyrics in songs like:

"You make me brave. You call me out beyond the shore into the waves." (Amanda Cooke, Bethel Music)

and,

"You call me out upon the water, the great unknown, where feet may fail. There I find you in the mystery, in oceans deep my faith will stand." (Hillsong United)

I would sing them over and over again and weep with feelings of intense longing and perfect joy. Something is calling me beyond the shore into the deep. I believe that's where God wants me, amidst the crash and spray, relying on his perfect protection. When I drive around the peninsula on grey days I am always enamored by the choppy seas. They hypnotize me. Something about the storm is grabbing me.

It's finding a creative work worthy of God that I am so tested by. The more and more I get to know my God, the more and more I realise how completely unworthy and completely fragile I am. The deeper I dig into the spiritual, the more aware I become of my flesh.

Lately, I have become so aware of the ugly habits I have learnt when seeking comfort from sadness or insecurity or even just boredom. I have also become grossly aware of the ways in which Satan sneaks little lies (masked as truth) in here and there to stop me in my tracks and keep me from advancing in what God has called me to. He knows just how to make me lazy and passive.

So, you're wondering why the title of this post is 'Recalibrate'? I've set for myself the mammoth task of trying to expel any sign of addiction from my life and learn to rely completely on God. I believe it is only from this place that He can then use me for the great work He has planned. This all started when I caught myself walking into the house on Sunday afternoon, after an emotionally taxing weekend at church camp, and making a beeline for the chocolate drawer. I realised in that moment that though I think I am so reliant on God, I in fact reach for many other things for comfort on an hourly basis. And these things don't fill me up for very long. I am never quite so satisfied with these things as I am when I am immersed in the presence of God. Yet, I reach for them first. Their presence is sometimes more tangible and easy to get at the drop of a hat a suppose.

The following few points are going to seem very basic and practical in comparison to everything I have written above. But I find it incredibly interesting that the simplest of things, when used in abusive measures or for the wrong reasons, can actually do more harm than good. Tomorrow I start applying the following:

Quitting sugar - I plan to do Sarah Wilson's 8-week 'I Quite Sugar' programme. I'm HECTICALLY addicted to sugar. I did the programme last year and it was amazingly freeing, but somewhere between Christmas, birthday parties and the winter slump, I did a full-circle back to my naughty ways. Wilson's line from the intro to her book rang so true with me: "We have a deep-rooted resistance to quitting sugar. We grow up with an emotional and physical attachment to it. Just the idea of not being able to turn to it when we're feeling happy or want to celebrate, or when we're feeling low or tired, terrifies us." This is so true for me. But I want my natural reaction not to be to turn to chocolate for comfort, but for God to be my 'pick-me-up'.

Quitting procrastination - This one's tough! Mind-numbing is often the order of the day when I'm feeling tired or over-stimulated from a busy day. I find it so much easier to turn to the TV or browsing social media on my phone and excuse it as "Well, you've had a busy day," than it is to nurture my creative abilities, amp up my knowledge with a good book or spend some time writing and making plans.

Exercising more - I'm usually quite good at getting my exercise in, during the week. But I like to call it "lazy exercise". I'll take my dog for a walk around the block and call it exercise, or choose the 15min "relaxation" yoga class on YouTube instead of the intense 45 min one. I guess my fear is becoming obsessive about it like I was back in my college days, which was incredibly damaging for me, but I do want to be fit and strong and honour the amazing body God has blessed me with. Testing and exercising it is a wonderful act of worship.

The above doesn't seem like much "fun" on the outset. It seems like I'm being a bit hard on myself maybe and it's easy to wonder if God wants us to have any fun at all. But I believe He wants us to have more fun than we can even fathom or imagine. I just know that I haven't gotten it from any of the places I've searched for it before, because I've been searching in the wrong places. God loves matter - He created food for us to eat and enjoy and He loves us to socialise (in reference to social media) and He also loves it when we find rest and relaxation. The problem I think is when we rely to heavily on these things. And the more we rely on them, the more we rely on them.

I read this great excerpt from C.S. Lewis' 'Mere Christianity' this morning:
"'Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire: well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others to do the same.'"

No. Don't go. X Photoganic collaboration

I recently collaborated with the lovely Victoria, of Photoganic Organic Fabrics South Africa to create these pretty 'Weekender' bags with matching Vanity cases. Victoria takes beautiful photographs and then digitally prints them onto the most delicious 100% organic fabrics that she sources from mills around the world. We wanted to create something classy through simplicity and effortlessness. 

The prints seen here are of fauna indigenous to South Africa, boats in the local harbour of Kalk Bay and a black-and-white 'log' print.

Conversation

I have fallen in love with conversation. It is not just the exchange of words; ideas. It is to pry open the part of you that is often fostered alone, and in silence. In those hours of the day that you spend alone, with only your thoughts. When you analyse what it is about the world that you love, and what it is about the world that you hate, and even what it is about the world that you know nothing of but wish you did. This is where you nurture your sense of 'place' in the world. Your opinions begin to nudge you into directions. Your opinions become choices. Your choices become consequences. 

When we make the decision to share, we open ourselves up to judgement. Sometimes we share, hoping that others will agree, but often...they don't. It is in these moments of disagreement that we make the choice to either let disappointment flood in, or to listen (really listen), consider another view of the world and let our understanding grow further. From here we question, sometimes ourselves, sometimes others. And where tides start to rise around our ideas/opinions; whether they were right, whether they were wrong, or whether neither is true; we have to hope in a discerning spirit. We raise a banner on the hilltop for what is true for us. Sometimes others stand with us. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes you look ahead, behind and to the side of you, and see others raising banners on other hilltops. Then you make the choice to smile and to see the cord that connects us all, no matter what our banners say. That we all want something better - for ourselves, our loved ones, our cities and countries. That's when you make the biggest decision of all...to choose to look at the cord that connects, and not the banners that divide.

All things bright and beautiful

So, it's been a few months since my last post. A few months full of exciting new things! To mention but a few...I've moved into a beautiful little house with two friends, bought a dog, and had the honour of making my friend's wedding dress. My heart is brimming with joy. It's amazing the joy God gives when you open yourself up to what He wants to do with you. Which brings me to what's next...

Along the lines of my previous post a few months ago, I've been developing a range of accessories to sell online and hopefully in some local retailers. It's been a challenging journey. I found my confidence quite shot to begin with, and I was nervous to start something completely alone. FEAT sock co. (the sock business I started with my friend Alison) is doing so well, but having a partner makes the risk-taking feel less risky (if that makes sense). And then, I found myself attempting to plunge into something all alone. But then I realised I'm not alone at all. I have felt this has been God-ordained right from conception to what will eventually be completion. The concept of honest & loyal product goes far deeper than just design, where God has breathed all over my experiences and hurts and triumphs and shown me that He has me exactly where He wants me - ready to use design to express what is on His heart about the way He wants us to treat each other and His majestic creation.

Last week, I took a deep breath and started a Facebook page for 'No. Don't Go.' I don't know why I was so afraid to start one to begin with. Within the space of 24 hours, I was receiving encouraging words from friends and friends-of-friends loving the product and telling me how excited they are about the concept. I also did some cleaning up on the website and now all there is to do is take some slightly more 'profesh' pics of the product and launch it onto the store front, ready for sales! Below are screenshots of the Facebook page and online store (followed by a cute pic of my new best friend, Teddie and my stunning friend Emily in the wedding dress I made for her).

More details about the store to come.

New things on the horizon

I have been working on a new and exciting range of products over the past few weeks. With all my talk about loyalty and simplicity, in both design and life, I have felt myself being nudged closer and closer towards starting a range of simple products and accessories that celebrate these ideals.

I managed to find an amazing importer of 100% organic fabrics and I have been drooling over the fabric swatches ever since I met with the owner of the company, Victoria, about a month ago. Below are a few samples I have produced so far. I will be taking them to a local sewing co-operative in the next week to see how effectively they can sample them. Excited!

Progress picture of 'No. don't go.' Multi-purpose tote in 100% organic cotton canvas and indigo-dyed denim.

Final product - 'No. don't go.' Multi-purpose tote in 100% organic cotton canvas and indigo-dyed 

denim.

'No. Don't go.' Ladies' pinafore-style apron in 100% organic, hand loom cotton 

'No. Don't go.'  Laptop and stationary case in 100% organic cotton canvas and indigo dyed denim

Measuring up

Two nights ago, I babysat a group of pre-teen girls who live just down the road. I always find it so interesting to gain insight into what goes through their impressionable minds. Usually, their insights are hilarious, soaked in fantastical naivety and strange observations of the world they live in. But, on this particular evening, I left with a heaviness, as opposed to the usual high-spirits I get from being around these funny little girls.

When I was their age, I remember spending evenings building blanket forts with my cousins, or making face masks out of ingredients I found in the kitchen cupboard with my best friend. And, most often, the evening ended with fits of giggles and dreaming about galloping horses through endless fields. Instead, I heard two young girls openly talk about the parts of their bodies that they hate. I witnessed them making lists of the 'pretty', 'skinny' girls in their class at school and saying how they wished they had their legs, or that they looked like them instead of themselves. I spent at least 20 minutes trying to convince them that God made no mistakes when creating them. That perfection doesn't lie in being "flawless", but in celebrating the bodies they have; by running, dancing and jumping because they can - because they are THAT blessed! What was even more sad to me was their reasons for wanting to look different. One being, their hopes of being models one day, or because they heard boys only like skinny girls. How bazaar that we think this way...

And it is 'we'. Because even though I felt saddened by the things they were saying...when I think about the things that run through my mind on a daily basis, I know that I am guilty of all the same thoughts. We compare ourselves to others, when we should be so elated by the fact that we are all so different and complex, and it is this that makes the world so beautiful. I found it so profound that just a few hours before going to look after these girls, I had decided to remove my scale from my bathroom and hide it in the back corner of a cupboard in another part of the house. So many times I have felt so great about being me, and I have felt so blessed with the body I have and the person I am, and then I step on that scale and think about how much I "should" weigh and how I "should" look, and suddenly I topple into a bottomless pit of self-loathing and feelings of worthlessness. When I hid that scale away I asked myself one question: "Who am I measuring myself up against?" Instead of my answer being 'the world' or some made-up model of "beauty", I chose Jesus.

Ezekiel 16:14 says: "And your fame spread across the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I HAD GIVEN YOU made your beauty PERFECT, declares the Sovereign Lord."

Building my wooden dreams

For about three years now, my dad and I have been chatting about building a little house-slash-studio together, for me to work and live in. Dad has been designing and building houses since before I can remember, and a lot of my love of architecture and structures comes from the input he always let me have in the projects he was working on. Even as a child, he would ask me for my advice on what windows to use and how I liked the layouts he designed. As a trained accountant, with no professional experience in architecture and building, my dad taught himself all he knows about it - which I find so uplifting. The idea that he could teach himself such a marvelous skill, one that has been used to build  four of our houses and renovated many others, is so motivating to me. 

Recently, we have dug a little dam at the bottom of our garden to be used to irrigate the property, and there is a raised level overlooking the dam that we'd like to use to build on. I am so excited to get stuck into the designing of the studio this year. My dad bought me my own drill and other little tools to encourage me to get stuck into the project. I have already used my drill in constructing displays for FEAT. sock co., and I can't wait to use it now to build my own little house.

I am inspired by so many different structural elements. And I'm finding it tough to straddle the line between the more rustic, log-cabin type cottage and the more contemporary, simplistic structure. There are certain features that I'd really love to include in some way:

Rough wood that fades with age, used in layered panels (as seen above). Narrow, bulkier panels set in-between wider, flatter panels to create noticeable ridges.

Open-plan space with a loft-area for sleeping. Large doors and panels of glass will let light in and create an outdoor-indoor space when left open.

I love the idea of using walls of poly-carbonate or glass to bring the outside inside; especially since it will be set in a forested area with the mountain as a backdrop. I also love the idea of exposing the skeleton of the structure in this grid-like way.

In some ways, the barn above looks both rustic and modern to me. The lines are minimalist, but still so inherently barn-like. The iron framed shutters are quite industrial and utilitarian, which I'd love to play with.

The sliding door = a must